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Is it me, or do most people have more rights than I have?
For years I have put other people’s needs and wants before my own. Said “YES” way more often than “NO”. Actually, I tried to help where I could, often even volunteering to help. And often at the expense of my own projects and things to do. I must admit, I get great pleasure out of doing things for others. A dinner table full of people enjoying a meal that I just cooked, is the greatest joy to me. And if you’d give me a compliment about the food, I would be smiling for a week.
I said “NO” to a Photoshop request the other day and got a few people upset. And I didn’t say “NO” bluntly: I apologized and said I didn’t want to do it because of many personal reasons. I even said I was no longer accepting these sort of request from anyone. Still that wasn’t enough, and what followed was a 30 minute discussion on way I didn’t want to do it. All the cliche arguments were there: “it only takes you 5 minutes to do it”, “you are good a Photoshop, so just do it”, “you’ve done these things before, so why not do it now?”, and many more.
I have to deal with a lot of negative replies to things I ask: colleagues that don’t have time to help me, friends not wanting to go out to a movie with me, people not replying to mails or text messages or phone calls, contractors not wanting to come and do a job even when they know they will get paid, holiday requests that are ignored. And I say “NO” to 1 little request and people get mad with me? Am I only allowed to say “YES”?
Don’t you get it? There are limits to this little boy. I can only do so much. I only wanna do so much.
“If something is too hard to do, then it’s not worth doing.”
Homer Simpson in the TV series The Simpsons
If I look at London through the eyes of a Newcomer, I see beautiful buildings and tourist attractions.
But when I look at London through my own eyes, I see the strangest details.
Is has been a while since I last heard from my unwanted friend: no calls, no mails, no text messages for more than 7 weeks now. I feel slightly relieved. I slept quite well these last few weeks, and I didn’t think about the situation until tonight when I realized it had been awhile since I heard from him/her.
Still, I am asking myself if this ordeal is really over, or will it start over again in a while? I’m afraid that that question is gonna stick to my mind for a long time. It is something I will have to learn to live with. Honestly, I struggle with the fact that I still don’t have a clue of who was/is harassing me. I would have like to see him/her be brought to justice. Not for revenge, but to find closure for myself.
Here’s a couple of shots from last week’s shoot with Eva. She was kind enough to step in at the last minute. So thank you very much Eva! And of course a big thank you to my sweet little sis Mariana for doin’ the make up and turning this beautiful girl into an even more beautiful girl.
Don’t take the psychological effects of stalking lightly. I am experiencing them first hand. And even though I try not to pay too much attention to the problem, I find myself thinking about it a lot more than I want. It pops up in my dreams, I lay awake tryin’ to find answers to so many questions I get asked. There is the occasional anxiety when I receive a text message or when answering a call from an unknown number.
And then of course, I am still uncertain if this will ever stop. I mean, even if it would stop now, it could start all over again in a couple of months or years.l
Filing a complaint with the police surely was a big step forward. I should have done that a lot sooner. I must say that local police has been very helpful. They took my complaint very serious. I was actually a bit surprised about that. But of course, all of it takes time and still the outcome of their investigation is uncertain. And to be honest, I have run out of patience. I want the matter resolved today!
I am just tired of answering the same questions over and over again. I really don’t know who is bugging me. I don’t even have a clue. I don’t even wanna try and take a wild guess. I’ve asked myself the same questions too and I have not found any answers. I don’t wanna try to get in somebody else’s head and guess what they are thinking. All I can do, is ask some of the same questions and hope there is someone out there that can provide answers. And other than that: I’m trying keep my head clear of those questions. I am fighting a loosing battle…
My parents imposed a curfew on me when I was a teenager. Even up until I left for college, I had to be home at 1 AM on a Saturday night. And just as any other teenager, I was not happy about it. I got into many arguments with my parents about my curfew. But despite those arguments, I respected their decision and always made sure I got home in time.
Except that one time… As usual, I left the party just in time to get home in time. But I ran into problems with my bike. I had to stop several time to fix my bike. I got home 10 minutes after my curfew: my hands all greasy and dirty, sweat dripping down my chin from pedaling has hard as I could. My parents were upset because I was late. And they were worried. I can understand and respect that. I got grounded for a couple of weeks after this little incident. I guess that is understandable. I guess I would ground my children too if they were late.
But I didn’t understand that they didn’t believe me when I explained what happened. And I still don’t understand. And to make matters worse, this story kept haunting me for many years. Every once in while, my parents told that story to friends and family. Mostly to tease me I guess. But what they didn’t see was that it hurt me every time they told it. It was and still is pretty humiliating to have to sit and listen to that story. Did they not have more respect for me?
You know, a lot of people are talking about respect these days. Many people complain about others not having enough respect for them. People ask me to show a bit of respect and do or not do stuff for them. But if, 15 minutes later, I ask that same person to do something for me, they slam the door in my face. I listen and learn when colleagues critique my photos. And yet, those same folks get very upset when I try to help them improve their photos. I have learned to shut up and let other people talk in meetings. But I still get brutally interrupted when I want to express my opinion. And of course there is that little matter of promises and appointments bein’ broken just as easy as they are made. Hey, some are even try to buy my respect and loyalty!
Where is the respect in all of that? But I guess I’m not perfect. And I could show a little more respect too. I start with that… Can all you all do the same?
Just a random pic of Anna shot at PhotoVaganza 5. I kinda like it, so I thought I’d share it.